When in Rome, pivot to video.
For years, you have come to Futfanatico DOT com for written content. There’s just one problem: the majority of you are bots sent by Search Engines whose clicks I have failed to monetize. Many of you spend the large part of your day watching brief, two-minute videos on your cell phones.
Thus, here is the pilot episode for the Futfanatico YouTube Channel. Or at least a transcript.
[KICK ASS INTRO MUSIC CLIP "Danse Macabre Acoustic/Unplugged" & COPYRIGHTED IMAGES USED WITHOUT PERMISSION OR PROPER ATTRIBUTION]
“Hey everybody! I’m your favorite YouTube personality who always smiles and laughs and shares poignant observations about daily life! You can call me Elliott. And today is the first episode of the Futfanatico YouTube channel!”
[BANNER IMAGE OF FUTFANATICO AND KICK ASS MUSIC CLIP "New Slang EDM remix"]
This channel is a lot of soccer, but also YouTube staples like challenges and eGaming. For example, right after the break, we have a really neat challenge called the FIFA CLASH OF CLANS ROBLOX duel, in which I will try to play all three games at once while sitting in front of an HD camera with a headset on and making grade school and middle school age appropriate observations about life.
And laughter. But now a brief break.
[BANNER IMAGE OF "FUTFANATICO MERCH" AND KICK ASS MUSIC CLIP "SLIM SHADY DUBSTEP remix"]
THIS CHANNEL IS POSSIBLE THANKS TO ALL YOU FUTFANATIQUERS WHO HAVE BOUGHT HOODIES, COFFEE MUGS, T-SHIRTS, AND MATCHING DIAMOND NOSE RINGS – COCK STUDS.
We have a link to merch store down below the video SO BE SURE TO CHECK IT OUT!
Now, back to the first challenge today!
[BANNER IMAGE OF FUTFANATICO AND KICK ASS MUSIC CLIP "New Slang EDM remix"]
Okay, y’all, I am really good at FIFA, don’t really get Roblox, and so so at Clash of Clans. I used to own at StarCraft, but the skills have not yet fully transferred. So, let’s get going and see how I do in this challenge.
[ELLIOTT PROCEEDS TO LOSE THE GAME OF FIFA BY FIVE GOALS TO A TEN YEAR OLD IN SOUTH KOREA / ROBLOX FREEZES MULTIPLE TIMES / SOMETHING HAPPENS IN CLASH OF CLANS. POSSIBLY]
Okay, y’all, that was kinda fun and really, really hard. We didn’t quite live up to billing in FIFA, but our new online friend Park in Seoul is no slouch either. Roblox servers were a bit of a mess, and Clash of Clans, well…the less said the better.
That’s about all for today. I have to make dinner and then feed my three adorable pugs who all suffer from respiratory illnesses of varying degrees in severity. Please check out the Futfanatiquer merch!
Oh, and please please be sure to subscribe to the channel, activate notifications, and leave some comments down below the video.
[KICK ASS MUSIC CLIP "Ring of Fire As Sung by Tom Waits shortly after throat cancer surgery" AND ANIMATIONS EXPLAINING HOW TO SUBSCRIBE TO CHANNEL & ACTIVATE NOTIFICATIONS]
